I.USA.PRESS

In my humble opinion, the single most important life-skill is communication.

So get to work on yours.

The end.

*How great would it be if I could write posts as short as that and still have the desired impact?

Make a statement, provide some instruction and then wrap it up.

All in under twenty words.

Succinct, specific and no fluff.

Imagine the time I’d save?

Waddya mean, you need more info?

Why can’t you work with those two sentences?

You guys are so demanding (is that a label) and high-maintenance (and another).

My experience tells me that people who master the skill of communication, to a large extent, master many of the complexities of life.

The people stuff anyway.

And of course, the people stuff is probably the biggest part.

The end.

Again.

Seeya tomorrow.

Oh all right, I’ll continue.

But I wanna raise.

Yes, it’s a big statement (not the raise one… the communication one) but I believe it to be true.

Communication has a huge impact on virtually every aspect of our life.

Friendships, marriage, career, education, conflict resolution, teaching our kids, expressing our feelings, negotiating problems and of course, the mountain of ‘general life stuff’ we contend with on a daily basis.

Yet the truth is that most of us don’t consciously work at becoming more effective communicators.

We tell ourselves we do.

But we don’t actually work (in a strategic, logical, practical manner) at developing the skill.

We just stumble along and ‘hope’ we’ll accidentally get better.

Dumb plan.

Observe most people over a long period of time and they will typically use the same communication style forever, no matter how effective or ineffective that style is.

They’re defensive, they’re aggressive, they’re confrontational, they’re arrogant, they’re condescending, they don’t listen… they do a whole buncha stuff which ultimately equals bad communication.

I’ve watched people have the same stupid arguments, over the same stupid issues, with the same stupid people… only to produce the same outcome (frustration, anger, pain, terrible relationships) for years.

And while some of us are clever and articulate, we’re also crap communicators (at least in some situations and circumstances). Don’t assume that a large vocabulary or eloquent speech equates to effective communication.

It doesn’t.

Effective communication has little or nothing to do with the size of your vocabulary.

Or your academic background.

I personally know many people who are both clever and articulate, yet often struggle to communicate a simple message in certain situations.

He (yep, let’s pick on the blokes) can run a multi-million company but he can’t communicate with his teenage kids.

And the truth is, he doesn’t make the time or effort.

He doesn’t work at communicating more effectively with his kids.

But he makes himself feel better by telling his wife that everything he does is for her and them.

Sure it is, Pinocchio.

Your kids don’t need more toys ya big tool, they need a hug.

They need an investment of your time and attention.

They need you to listen.

Hey Stupid! Learn to communicate with your kids, wife, parents.. those who are (allegedly) the most important things in your life.

I’m not very good at many things but the one thing which I have passionately and consciously worked at developing over the years is my communication skills.

Many times I have been in a situation where I’ve almost been out of my depth and my ability to communicate (some might say bullshit… so not fair) has dragged me over the line.

Knowing how to engage and connect with people is invaluable.

Different people.

Different attitudes.

Different personalities.

Different age groups.

Different situations.

They may all require a different communication style.

A different approach.

A question I ask myself twenty times a day is this:

“How do I need to communicate with this person, in this situation, at this point in time to create the best possible outcome for everyone?”

If that question is your starting point, you’ll start to see things change quickly.

I know that while one person will respond to Drill Sgt. Harper, another will start crying and assume the foetal position with the same approach. I’ve had to discover what works best for each individual and learn to communicate accordingly.

When I am looking to employ a new trainer (which I have done hundreds of times over the years), I look for an ability to communicate over qualifications and knowledge base.

Yes, I want the quals and the knowledge but without doubt, the best trainers (doctors, sales people, teachers, managers, coaches, etc..) are the best communicators.

Gimme a bloke (or a chick) with a PhD and an IQ of 200 who can’t connect with people… no value to me.

So wadda we do wrong and how can we change?

1) We don’t (really) listen. We merely wait for a gap in the flow of conversation so we can tell them how it really is. We forget people’s names six seconds after we’ve been introduced because we’re not really in the moment; not really listening.

When you’re talking with someone, be present; don’t be elsewhere.

Simple but effective.

Maintain eye contact, use their name.

2) We criticise. Hey Captain Perfecto… don’t find fault, find solutions. Find a positive. Remember that one time when you made a mistake? It was the 80’s wasn’t it?

3) We don’t apologise when we should. If you want to create a better connection with someone and improve the quality of your communication instantly.. give them a heart-felt “I’m sorry” when it’s appropriate. Genuine humility is one of the most attractive and engaging qualities but some of us work very hard to avoid it.

4) We talk over the top of others. Want an instant social and emotional disconnection? Then master the skill of interruption. I have a friend who has an acute case of “but-wait-till-you-hear-my-story-itis”. We know you love the sound of your voice but seriously…..

5) We talk ‘at’ people, rather than ‘with’ them. You don’t like being lectured to, why would anyone else?

6) We pressure, manipulate, coerce. Good way to create resentment not connection.

7) We don’t read the (very obvious) non verbal communication. We’ve all heard the ‘communication is 93% non-verbal’ stat… yet we continue to ignore the signs. If you want to know how someone really feels… talk less, watch more.

We don’t understand that different communication styles work (are necessary, in fact) for different people. If you’re determined to be a crap communicator, use the same approach with everyone.

Your Homework: Being as you’re all about learning, here’s your chance.

In the next 48 hours try something different (from a communication perspective)… with that person (you know who).

And I don’t mean some pissy, token, half-assed attempt… I mean really different.

If you wanna create a different dynamic / result / rapport / relationship… then do different.

Same produces same.

You know that.

Good communication is the cornerstone of healthy, productive, rewarding relationships… and considering that we spend the majority of our waking hours around other people, perhaps it’s a skill that we should consciously and practically work at developing.

I think so, Grasshoppers.

* Let me know how you go, your thoughts

Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is the #1 ranked Motivational Speaker (according to Google). He is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host and owner of one of the largest personal training centres in the world.

Motivational Speaker - Craig Harper

Here is the biggest secret to being successful in dating… non-verbal communications. Or to use a cliche, what you say isn’t as important as how you say it.

Let me prove it to you. If you went to a scientist and asked him to describe the makeup of the brain to you, you’d get some very clear insights on what causes a woman to feel attraction. First, he’d tell you about the brain stem, which controls breathing, heart rate and other survival mechanisms like knowing when to defend or knowing when to run.

Next, he’d describe the limbic brain, which is where emotions are experienced, including attraction, lust and desire. He would go on to tell you that the limbic brain operates on an instinctual level, not through logical processes. He’d tell you it’s also called the “pleasure center”. Why? Because sexual stimuli that women experience goes directly to the limbic brain.

Finally, he’d tell you about the neo-cortex. This is the part of brain that was developed which uses logic, thought and critical planning. For example, if you ask a woman, “I want to go on a date with you” her neo-cortex will be triggered to process this information.

I don’t like the neo-cortex. Let’s bypass it, and go directly to her pleasure center, her limbic brain. This is how average men (or even ugly ones) date beautiful women. Tap into this primal brain, and create instant attraction.

Here’s how you do it. Remember, the most important secret is not what you say, but how you say it. What you say triggers the neo-cortex. How you say it, if done properly, triggers the limbic brain. If you voice is soothing, rich and warm, it will resonant with her. If it is timid, weak, and raspy, it will be dissonant, and not make her feel comfortable. That is why a hypnotist uses a slow, deep voice to put a patient under his spell… because it resonates with our impulsive mind.

If you can say something average, but say it in a sexually hypnotic way, you will be 1,000 times more effective at seducing women than saying something extraordinary romantic, but saying it in a weak, timid way.

Besides tone, body language will penetrate her limbic brain like there is no tomorrow. A warm smile says more than a million well placed words. It works both ways. Who are you more inclined to approach, a woman with a warm smile, or a woman with a cold look? Someone who looks friendly and inviting, or someone who looks like a social misfit. Appearances can be deceiving. The smiling woman might be a total bimbo. And the woman who is cold looking may actually be a fantastic conversationalist. But when you first observe someone, you only have their appearance to judge them by. Learning how to put on an appearance that will get you judged as “friendly and inviting” will help you go a long ways.

Also, you must use body language that shows you are strong, comfortable and confident. When you approach a woman, she will not analyze your body posture consciously. Body posture is often picked up unconsciously by the limbic brain. Once you understand this, it’s good news for you. Anybody can learn how to have body posture that shows they are confident,strong and comfortable. Why? By assuming the right body posture, you automatically feel confident, strong and comfortable in that moment. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. It is impossible to feel depressed if you are walking around holding your body language like James Bond.

These are just a few ways to create attraction at the basic, guttural level, which is where it matters most. By being aware of this, you will have an advantage 9 out of 10 guys don’t even know exists.

Kurt Dight has wrote a FREE 94 page guide on attraction, dating, and approaching women. You can get it for free, with no strings attached, at http://www.dating-secrets2.com/

If you want to know some “icebreakers” to initiate conversations with women that make them smile, and become interested in you, then this will be an exciting read.

Know this: there are no universal lines that work in every situation. Typically, what works best depends heavily on situational elements and the personality type of the woman you are approaching. However, there is one key secret to almost guaranteeing you will break the ice with a woman in a charming and attractive way. It has to do with the power of observation. Once you know what to look for, knowing what to say will become almost automatic.

To do this, you must know what to look for and what to become interested in observing. This is especially useful if you are not a natural conversationalist.Why? Because you will approach a woman as being curious about something unique to her, which will automatically create a good conversation. I will give some examples shortly. First, there is one other area we must cover.

Context. Besides observing her, you must observe your surroundings. You would approach a woman at an antique shop differently than a woman at a rave party. If you see a woman at a bookstore looking like she is having a hard time finding something, you would not approach her and ask her where she got her cool necklace from.

Are you starting to see that what you observe is more important than a clever line?

If you’ve done some reading, you’ll see some dating gurus say you shouldn’t compliment a woman. Then you’ll read somewhere else that women love compliments. Who is right?

It depends on context!

So let’s say I see a woman at a bookstore who is trying to find a book in a section that isn’t well organized. As I approach, I can see at first she look at the section of books is feels a little unsure if she will find what she is looking for. However, when she walks closer she instantly finds the book she is looking for. This is a perfect time to give her a compliment! On the other hand, if you are at a bar, and you notice a woman who has an outrageous hat on, and you walk up to her a compliment on her on it, your chances of having a good conversation with her are slim. There probably have been twelve men who have already complimented on the hat. It’s obvious. In this context, it would actually be better to playfully make fun of her for wearing the hat!

So if you want to know how to break the ice with a woman, it’s very simple. First, be observant. Find something to get interested in. Next, understand your surroundings to know what is appropriate to say, and what isn’t. Now, approach her as curious about your observation and present it in the proper context. If you do this often enough, pretty soon it will become a reflex, and you’ll be a natural at striking up a conversation with any woman at any location!

Kurt Dight has created a free 5 day mini course on “how to seduce almost any woman”. It is available for instant access for a limited time at http://www.dating-secrets2.com/

While communication is essential to creating and maintaining good relationships, it has to be said that the vast majority of people never get to grips with the skills involved. Its little wonder when you recognize that it’s not something we’re generally taught!

There are, however, many things you can do to make it easier to understand what’s going on and to ensure it’s more likely you’ll enjoy better relationships. Here are a few:

Listen to people - and that means really listening!
What often happens in a conversation is that when the other person says something it prompts thoughts in your own mind. You then start developing this thought. You’re bursting to share it with the other person – as soon as THEY stop talking!

Meanwhile, you haven’t been listening to them but formulating what you’re going to say. So - as soon as their mouth stops moving, you jump in. It may not even be a response to what they’ve said because they may have moved on in their conversation, but then how would you know? You haven’t been listening to them - you’ve been listening to your own thoughts.

Chances are you’ve even been unable to contain yourself any longer and you’ve butted in and talked over them. How annoying is it to never be able to finish your sentence or your train of thought?

So let’s look at what a common scenario may be:

Person 1: I’ve had such an awful start to the day. I had a row with Bill at breakfast, and that made me late leaving to take the kids to school. The traffic was heavy so I zipped around the back way and got caught speeding. That made me even later and I’ve got a fine to pay! Then I decided to call in at the supermarket on the way back home, filled a basket, and when I got to the check-out I found I’d forgotten my purse. I was so embarrassed.

Person 2: Oh - I got a speeding ticket a couple of weeks ago. I was….
OR I had a row with Jack last night and…
OR That happened to me once at…

Do these responses show any care or concern for the other person or do they just provide an opportunity for person 2 to talk about her/himself?

Interest is shown by asking questions. If I told you I’ve just been for an interview, got a new car, had a dreadful day, broken up with my partner…. Do you think if you don’t express your concern or ask me any questions that allow me to expand on it I might reasonably feel you don’t care?

Of course, it isn’t enough to just ask questions because that’s what you know you have to do – it needs to come from your genuine interest in and care for people.

A better scenario might be:

Person 1: as before

Person 2: Oh dear, you must be feeling awful? (Pause for response)
OR Will the speeding fine give you problems? (Pause for response)
OR Were the children okay? (Pause for response)
OR I’m sure the people in the supermarket understood – we’ve all done it! (re-assurance.)

So - can you begin to see how conversations can be mis-heard, half-heard and mis-interpreted? Can you see how the other person may feel aggrieved and not listened to? Indeed, have you been on the receiving end of those kinds of conversations?

Exercise:
This exercise is just to get some practice when the subject matter isn’t about anything too important.

Next time you’re with a friend and they talk about something they’ve been doing, somewhere they’ve been, some incident etc. instead of chipping in, start to ask them questions.

For example: they tell you they’ve been to the cinema.
Ask them what the film was about, who was in it, did they enjoy it, which cinema was it being shown in, do they go there often etc. etc. Ask them as part of the conversation, don’t make it seem like the third degree, and LISTEN to the responses so you can follow up with further questions.

Perhaps it was an emotional film - see if you can detect different feelings from their voice or manner as they talk about and how they felt about it.

If you’re asked questions during this process, answer them, but go back to putting your focus on your friend.

Show that you are paying attention by nodding your head, having good eye contact, listening without interrupting and asking good questions.

Listen without judgment.

Maddy Webster is the author of ‘Everything You Need To Know About Living A Great Life But Don’t Know Who To Ask’ - Words of Wisdom To Young Adults. http://www.theauthormaddywebster.com

She has worked most of her life in the caring professions - as a youth worker, with people with learning disabilities, with an International NGO, as a counselor, counseling trainer, personal development trainer and mentor. She is a writer, proof reader, copy editor, copy writer, ghost writer, article writer and book reviewer.

Of all the reasons that women have trouble in relationships with men, the biggest one is that women just plain don’t understand men. As a woman you are constantly getting advice on what men are thinking, what men “really” want and how to attract a man and keep him interested. The problem is that most of this advice comes from other women like your girlfriends, your mom or your coworkers. Unfortunately, as well intentioned as these women in your life are, they probably don’t have a much better understanding of men than you do!

Don’t worry - it’s not your fault that you don’t understand men. Everywhere you turn people are sending you mixed signals about what men really want. The media tells you one thing, your friends tell you another, and the relationship column in the latest issue of your favorite women’s magazine says another thing all together.

Men are no help either since they often send off mixed signals themselves. Part of the problem is that although they won’t admit it, most men don’t really even know what they want. Just like women, men are influenced by the media and by their friends so often times they think they know what they *should* want, but deep down they really don’t know just what it is that they need.

So with all these mixed messages and crossed signals, is there a secret to understanding men? For the most part men need the same things that women do. They need compassion, understanding, love, commitment and someone who will listen to them when they need it. They need time to themselves to do the things they enjoy without being talked to or constantly interrupted. Mostly they need a partner who will be with them through good times and bad and who loves them for who they are and who is willing to forgive them and try to understand when they screw up.

The part where it gets tricky is that men express their feelings and thoughts very differently than women. Even if a man is getting everything that he needs from a relationship he may not know how to show it. Not only that, but it is easy for women to get stuck in the trap of overanalyzing every little thing in a relationship. For instance, if a man is suddenly not talkative, a woman might spend the entire day trying to figure out what she did wrong to make him stop talking to her, when in fact the man just isn’t feeling talkative.

These basic differences with how men and women communicate are often the cause of misunderstandings and miscommunication in relationships that can eventually lead to problems. By gaining more insight into how men think and what they really want it can help to eliminate problems in your current relationship or help you to start a new relationship with a man that is built on trust, understanding and love.

Want to learn the secret to understanding men? Check out how to become The Woman Men Adore…and Never Want to Leave

Wouldn’t it be great if a woman was satisfied by just being happy? It doesn’t work that way. They love conflict, drama and instability. Who do you think watches all those soap operas?

The reason they are like this is because they are very emotional creatures. They need to feel reassured, secure and wanted. To do this, they test men constantly. Usually this tests are practically impossible to pass… unless you know a few simple tips. In this article I will show you how to come out smelling like a rose when a woman asks you a question like, “Do I look fat in these jeans?”

This is how it usually starts. She will ask you an innocent question, or make a seemingly offhand remark. Actually, her intentions are much more malicious. While it’s ridiculous that women do this, they all do it, so just accept it and learn how to handle it. The key it to be aware of these tests, and learn how to side step them. The most important thing to remember is that when women ask you these questions, they aren’t looking for a straightforward answer. they aren’t even looking for the truth. They want reinforcement, to feel secure, and wanted. Even if you have to lie to them.

Handle these tests properly, and you’ll have more success with women than you’ll know what to do with. Let’s examine some typical tests women pull on men, and how to handle them.
“What are you thinking right now?” This one is as old as the hills. To understand this question, you have to know how to read between the lines. What she is really wants to know is, “Are you thinking about me right now?”. If you want to mess this one up, tell her what you were actually thinking. Maybe it was how awesome that last UFC fight was, or how you want to go out and get drunk later. Or, if you’d like to avoid an argument, say things like, “I was just thinking about that time we went to the park and…”, or “I was just thinking about how great it would be if sometimes we went out and did…”

What’s the worst test a woman will throw at you? I bet you know… “Do you think I’m fat?” Or maybe you know it’s cousin, “Do I look fat in these jeans?” Let’s read between the lines again. What she really wants to know is if you find her sexually attractive because she is feeling insecure right now. How do you pull this one off, without her feeling that you are lying to her?

Well, you can simply tell her the truth. “Yeah, I was thinking of getting you a membership to the gym.” Stupid! Or, you can do it right. Here’s how you accomplish that. First, get a mirror and practice your look of “utter disbelief”. Do this until you get it down cold. Now, when she asks you the dreaded fat question, simply give her the look that you can’t even believe she would be thinking that!

One more test. It’s the “Do you like me for my personality or looks?” test. This one is tough. If you say personality, then she will feel she is ugly. If you say looks, you’re thought of as some superficial horn dog. This one is the easiest to answer, though.

“You know why you’re so special? Because you’re the perfect combination of both. That’s why everything about you turns me on.”

There are many more traps out there. But once you understand how to read between the lines, you will handle them without even breaking stride. Just remember, she isn’t look for the truth, but for reassurance and you’ll be fine.

Kurt Dight has created a free 5 day mini course on “how to seduce almost any woman”. It is available for instant access for a limited time at http://www.dating-secrets2.com

As a Communication Coach I get asked all the time “How can I improve my communication skills?” by accountants and engineers, by ESL students, by immigrants, by counselors. I always start with the same response: “Become a great listener!” When they ask me how they can do that, I then start to break it down. I can’t tell you all the secrets to listening just now, but here is some quick advice to help you become a better communicator with friends, family, co-workers, and employees.

When you become an expert listener is means that the other person is doing most of the talking. When you go into a situation where you are meeting someone for the first time go into that encounter with only one thing on your mind - THEM. You must treat that person as though they are the most important person in the world, because to them they are!

To build up rapport and to engage in a conversation ask questions and be intrigued about the other person, not yourself.

So, what do you talk to the other person about?

Well, like I said before, you don’t! You let them do most of the talking and by doing this they will think that you walk on water and will in turn ask about you and that’s when YOU talk!

So how do you engage the other person into talking? To do this it is important to understand what other people like to talk to about.
Here is the TOP 5 in order:

1. Themselves
2. Their own opinions
3. Other people
4. Things
5. You

R-E-O Improves Your Active Listening Skills

Active listening skills are important to utilize in your everyday life in the workplace or at home. Passively listening while multi-tasking several things can give the impression that you are not paying attention, and could cause people to avoid you or maybe even resent you!

Recently I met a senior manager at a global financial company who has had the benefit of over 20 years of the best sales and management training, yet he is smart enough to know that we all need a reminder once in a while of the simple communication strategies that work best with others. We do not want our colleagues to think that we are not listening, or do not care about their problems. Sometimes ‘simple’ really does work best.

R – Reflect back or ‘paraphrase’ their main ideas, content, key words and ideas. You need not use the exact same phrase or sentences; rather just serve back the message that you got their main points. The beauty of this is that it immediately gives an opportunity to clear up any miscommunication right at the beginning of the conversation, as opposed to getting halfway through only then to realize you weren’t following the whole picture, and you have to start again from the top.

E – Empathy is a showing of a shared feeling and understanding of the emotional impact of the speaker’s situation. Do not judge here, and please hold your own opinion. If you need to illustrate that you understand, briefly mention the basics of your story. This is not the time to take over the conversation. Your job is to listen actively and pay attention to their emotional state and body language. This is why you must be making eye-contact to be a good listener!

O – Open-ended questions can be asked to get more information, background, details that will help you and them discover a solution to the problem. We cannot ask a question that begs a Yes or No answer. We must ask questions that have them talking freely, in their own words. E.g. do not ask “Are you going to request a transfer?” Rather ask “What are your options on changing your current situation?”

Also, please remember to be careful with starting your questions with Why. It usually sounds like you are challenging or criticizing the person. E.g. “Why are you taking vacation now?” could be changed to “What are the benefits of taking your vacation now, as opposed to next month?”

I hope you find R-E-O a useful communication tool. As always feel free to contact me at http://www.CommunicationCoach.ca should you have any questions or comments about newsletters, workshops, or personal coaching. Thank you.

Ric Phillips, Communication Coach & Trainer
(3V Communications)
http://www.CommunicationCoach.ca

“They just do not seem to understand what I’m talking about. What’s wrong with them?” Heard this before?

Now I want you to make a guess. How much are we responsible for the results that we get through communicating with others? 50%? Less than that? More than that? Well, you’ll be surprised. If you said ‘more than 50%’, you’re dead right. In fact, we are 100% responsible for the results we achieve out of all our communication with someone else.

Contrary to common beliefs, the results we get from our communication depend heavily on ourselves. Why? Because if communicated properly, we will be able to influence the other party into our thinking. We would be able to convince them to take the actions we want them to.

That’s what influence and persuasion is all about.

So what does that mean? It simply means that if we fail to achieve the results we want out of communicating with someone else, it just means that we have chosen the inappropriate communication strategy.

Now, what about those people who just don’t seem to understand what we are talking about most of the time? You see. Different people interpret things differently. And unless you communicate with someone in a way that they understand things, it is very unlikely that your message will be sent across correctly. And this is why, more often than not, we find people misinterpreting our messages.

Pay attention to your body language

Research into neurolinguistic programming has shown that our body language plays a far more important than the words we use during conversation.

Were there times when you were saying something and yet, your friend got a very different meaning out of it? I bet. Most probably, you have been sending different messages to them via your body language. I mean, someone smiling at you and saying, ‘you idiot,’ is very different from someone who is staring at you and shouting at you at the top of their voice, ‘YOU IDIOT!’

Likewise, the body language to your document conversation is very important. You could be seeing something and yet, your body language could be firing of a very different message.

Let’s say you’ve decided to go for a job interview. Now, when the interviewer asked you describe yourself, you can easily say you are confident and cheerful individual. But if you’re standing with your back curved, and you’re lacking the eye contact factor, isn’t it evident that you’re lying? Of course!

The bottom line is that you always have the potential to communicate effectively with others. Just remember to pay attention to your body language - you might find yourself sending the wrong messages to others on an unconscious level.

Dominic Tay is a passionate personal development practitioner and the owner of the ‘Personal Development for Winners’ blog. Learn how to master your mind through personal mastery and break through your current mental limits by adopting the winner mindset so that you can win big in any areas of your life. Click here http://www.DominicTay.com

If you want to approach a beautiful woman, then this is going to be an exciting read.

Here’s what most men think they need to know in order to approach a woman correctly… knowing what to say. These men are absolute tools. Listen. What you say to a woman when you first meet her is so unimportant, it’s not even worth worrying about. What is more important is HOW you say it. But there is something even more important than that.

Non-verbal communication. In other words, body language.

Men and women were not created equal. You will never see a woman become heavyweight champion of the world in boxing. Not even my Aunt Edna, who was built like a linebacker. But know this: women have a huge advantage over men when it comes to reading body language.

If the importance of body language hasn’t sunk in enough for you, I urge you to do this. Go out one day to a place where men approach a lot of women. Observance these interactions from a distance, so you can’t listen to the conversation. Just watch the body language. Allow yourself no more than 10 seconds after the man approaches her to guess if he will be successful or not. You’ll be shocked how many correct answers you’ll get.

Onward.

Most men have no clue about any of this. From this ignorance, weak, submissive and platonic body language and vocal tones develop. I call it “needy” body language, and it always occurs when a man is trying too hard to win a woman’s approval. Nervous twitching,hesitant movement, and so on. Can you see how with the wrong body language it really doesn’t matter how smooth your words are?

Let’s correct this situation once in for all. Find one of your friends or someone you know who has a gift for getting the ladies. If you can’t find anybody, rent some James Bond movies. Next, watch their body language. Notice how they move slowly, calmly anddeliberately , as if saying: “I’m completely comfortable in my own skin”. Now watch them approach and talk to women — it’s no different thanconversing with a good friend.

Smooth.

Get any ideas? Now practice carrying yourself around exactly how men who “get it” do, and when you become a hit with the women, I want you to send me an email saying thanks.

Kurt Dight has created a free 5 day mini course on “how to seduce almost any woman”. It is available for instant access for a limited time at http://www.dating-secrets2.com/

We all have perfect game. I know you are awesome and have so many amazing things that women would love about you. From the Little quirks you have to the grand ideas about the future of the world, the government and everyone, you are destined for great things if only you could express yourself. The only problem is, nobody can see this, because of a multitude of social barriers we all employ within ourselves that stop our true selves from coming out.

Social barriers are simply layers that we have built around ourselves to protect us from the outside world, they are barriers we put up when meeting new people which protect us from being emotionally hurt when talking to others. Introverted people aren’t actually introverts at all, but rather extroverts who have many social barriers inside their head that stop them from saying certain things. If you look into people’s thoughts, you’ll often find both introverts and extroverts think about the same amount of stuff, however introverts simply have more filters in their head that tell them “don’t say that, it’s stupid” or “you’ll get rejected if you tell her you like her” etc. Extroverts on the other hand don’t have these barriers, so they may say more stupid things from time to time, but on the whole they are generally more the life of the party because they talk so much that these stupid things just fade away in the conversation. No one really notices the bad things they say as they are strung among many good conversational topics or people simply forget about them.

Deep inside you know that you are a special person, you are different from everyone else and you have your story to tell, the problem is, with all these social barriers that are holding you back you just can’t explain to the world and especially women how amazing you really are. Only when you get drunk do you rack up the confidence to talk to them and by that time you can’t really control what comes out of your mouth, often offending and seeming like a loser to these people. This is definitely a problem that can be fixed, I’ve been there, and its taken me well over 3/4 years of solid talking practice to get to my current social self. I don’t just mean living a normal go to work, get home, sleep kind of life, but I’ve been going out to parties, social events and practicing my speaking and its still taken me that long to come out of my shell, so If I can do it, you can too.

One of the main reasons these barriers are in place is because of events that happened previously in our lives that stop us from doing things in the future. Maybe your parents scowled you every time you talked about something they thought was boring, or your friends thought you were a loser when you discussed camping in the wilderness. So now you feel pressured to shut up in fear of people disliking you. The reason why alcohol takes away these social barriers is because when you are drunk you aren’t thinking of the past, normally you may think something like “we’ll I’ve always been rejected when talking to women in the past, so I’m not going to open my mouth” while when you are drunk you don’t think of this and just keep talking. Also when your drunk your not thinking into the future, you don’t think “I’m never going to score a women of this beauty” and you just have a good time.You forget about what others think about you and are just completely in the moment having a fun time. The key now is to be able to do this without drinking.

So one of the first keys to getting over social barriers is to completely switch off your past and future thinking. This is something that often happens when you get into state after approaching about 4-5 groups of girls out clubbing and you start to feel that surge of energy rushing through your body. You sort of semi go into a drunken state but without the slurred words and stupidity coming out of your mouth and it really makes you very attractive to women. Start practicing going up to people and introducing yourself without a single thought, just try to make your mind a fuzz of static and don’t care what you say next, just say hi and slowly over time start getting into a conversation (anything goes, talk about your shoes, alligators or global warming if you wish). Practice going up to people (women aredefinitely the hardest) and just

The other reason they crop is because we are thinking so so much inside our head that we are drained from all the talking and can’t express ourselves verbally. It’s amazing how much goes on in your head when out talking to people “will they like me” “is my hair out of place” etc. Turning off these little voices could possibly be the best thing that happens to you, just turn them off completely and focus on the moment, focus on people around you and the conversations taking place and if your currently in a conversation focus 100% on that. Of course from time to time you can think “I should do x now” but never think self consciously, never think about yourself and/or what the other person thinks of you, because remember, they are thinking the exact same thing of themselves and honestly, nobody ever cares. Everyone is so selfish that they think “what does everyone think of me” When in fact nobody is thinking about anyone else so it just doesn’t matter.

So stop thinking about the past and the future, stop being self conscious and definitely thinking inside of your head. Just let go and be your best self, not the shallow, meek, shy version of yourself you usually present to strangers but the fun, happy, awesome self that you are around your best friends and family. Strangers feel exactly the same shyness and fear when meeting you so be the better man and show them how confident and amazing you really are. Pretend that every person you meet is a long lost friend and treat them in exactly the same way as you would if they were a long lost friend you just met again.

I’d dare say your not as good with women as you wish you were, your looking for something that can take you above and beyond 99% of men for free, it’s here, you just have to reach out and grab it.

Have fun,

– Solace