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We seriously have a complicated mind.

I have for a long time admire those scientists and researchers who make the efforts to study how our minds and brains work, because, seriously, in my opinion this has to be one of the most difficult subjects to study on Earth!

Just the other day, one of my pals came over for a visit. For a very long time, she has had difficulty living under the same roof as her dad.

Her dad is passionate about woodmaking, and would often spend a lot of his time around the house doing wood and carpentry works.

The problem is he often does not clean up the house after he has done his sawing and drilling. There is no other room for him to use, so he has to use the main living room as his temporary ‘workspace’.

This upsets my pal, for she is someone who loves cleanliness and tidiness.

It is no wonder that the two often have heated arguments over this.

During her visit to my residence, she met my god-mother who brought along her Indonesian maid, also visiting me over the weekends.

The Indonesian maid was working full time for my god-mother. Being a compassionate person, my pal enquired my god-mother if she could bring the maid out for a movie over the weekends, since it was New Year, and giving her some time-off seemed a logical proposition!

“It would be difficult!”, my god-mother replied. “We do not usually let her wander off for a movie show, but we do bring her around the city with us at times. Thanks for the offer!”

When it was time to go back, my pal pulled me to one side and told me, “That was very inconsiderate of your god-mother! Her maid could take a break and go for a show with us! It was New Year!”

Laughing, I asked her, “Perhaps what she had just said make a lot of sense from her perspective! Have you looked at both sides of the coins?”

Things are not always as easy as it seem, on the surface. Each and every one of us experience ‘reality’ on different levels. What is “easy” for you might not come as easy for another person.

Every time I visited my pal at her residence, I would stumble upon her dad working on one of his “projects” again. The familiar drilling sounds would often come through the windows, and even if I’m around in the house, my pal would not hesitate to ‘pull a long face’ or even yell at her dad.

Gosh, she really hated that activity!

However, from my perspective, I cannot help admiring the intricate and beautiful ‘works’ that come out of her dad’s woodworking skills.

As I’m only at her place visiting for a few times per month, sometimes a few months, it was natural that I would not be able to experience her ‘annoynance’ and frustration! Afterall, she was often the one to clean up ‘the mess’ in the house!

In the same way, my pal probably would not be able to really experience (in a very realistic way) the types of difficulties and challenges which my god-mother could probably be experiencing living with and training a foreign maid.

Trust me, I know it! My mother had engaged the domestic help of a foreign maid many years ago. It was a challenge training her, looking after her needs and welfare, and having had to live under the same roof with a maid in peace and harmony!

A human to human interaction is often very complicated and complex. It would be a different story if my pal was the one who employed the foreign maid.

Similarly I could sing ‘praises’ about her skillful dad who make beautiful projects out of wood. And I could tell her all day long how fortunate she was to have a talented person like her dad living together with her.

Truth is, her dad was the only one in the house who knows how to fix all the damaged drawers, cupboards or doors in the house! However, it was likely I would be quite upset if I am the one who has to face a man who drills all day long in the house, and who cannot be bothered to clear up the mess!

This clear insight about how our mind work has helped me to deal with the day to day conflicts I may have with my partner, or even with other people in daily life. If you are trying to solve a problem with your lover, your spouse, with a co-worker, with your parent, with you boss … ask yourself: are you two operating on different reality levels? Are you able to see both sides of the coins?

This has helped me tremendously in dissolving any confusing conflicts I may have with other people in my daily life.

Once I understand that at times we may be looking at the same things ‘differently’ on different levels, I would stop putting blame on my-self or even on other people. Instead, I would take more time to do more investigation and self reflection. Often, this result in I’m able to resolve issues in a more peaceful way!

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Some time ago, a woman asked me, “What do you suggest I do with my marriage since the LOVE “thing” is gone?” I am still wondering today what the love “thing” was in that woman’s thinking?

Have you ever been told: “I LOVE you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you any longer?” What does that mean?

A person who says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you any longer,” is describing two different feelings. But neither of those feelings is love! Neither is the love “thing”!

“I LOVE YOU” in this context means “I CARE.” “NOT IN LOVE” means “I’m NOT EXCITED about you.” Do you follow me?

Caring about someone is good. It shows concern. We may care and be concerned about the growth of AIDS in Africa and yet not necessarily love the afflicted victims of AIDS in Africa.

Being excited about someone is also good. You might be excited about meeting a celebrity or attending a popular party. That doesn’t mean you love them.

While someone who says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” seems to be implying that there are “different kinds of love,” they are actually expressing incredible confusion about the real meaning of love. Neither one of those two feelings is love! Such confusion always creates marital conflict and it is very often anchored in an extra-marital affair or other selfish interests.

Even though love may begin as a “feeling” of attraction between two people, in the end, true love is not about feelings first. True feelings of love are the result of true love. True love is right action. True love is an experience you have as a result of the deeds or acts you do for another person. True love is about character.

And those deeds are not a secret. In other words, love is not a mystery! Love is a verb. Love is conjugated in the language of action.

Love is best displayed by the three C’s of relationships:

*Character

*Conscience

*Courage.

These three characteristics often frame the most powerful expressions of love. A healthy character makes loving decisions. A healthy conscience provides ethical direction for the acts of love. And courage fuels the act of love to endure trials and difficult moments.

There are specific things you can do with your spouse to solve your problems and build love in your marriage as soon as you finish reading this article.

Here are some suggestions on how to create an environment of true love in your marriage:

• Stop interrupting your spouse when he/she attempts to explain something. Learn to listen and hear with your heart. This one is connected to character since listening is a habit. That’s love!

• Stop yelling and reacting physically when you don’t like something and find a healthier way to communicate! That’s love!

• Stop avoiding your spouse when you know she/he wants to resolve the issue that caused a hurt. Go back to your partner and express your desire to resolve the issue. That takes courage. That’s love!

• Stop being so busy with your own stuff when your partner wants to hold you for a few minutes. Allow yourself time for physical contact. That’s love!

• Stop talking divorce when things don’t go your way. Forgive and work at resolving the issue. That’s is connected to conscience. You know divorce is not the answer! That’s love!

• Stop thinking of yourself first rather than your spouse and your kids. That’s love!

Just as there are physical laws of the universe such as gravity, there are spiritual and emotional laws for relationships. True love is one of those laws! A healthy marriage is rooted in true love. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect kind of synergy. If you know and apply the laws of love, the results will be predictable.

People often tell me, “Look, I love my spouse, but I’m not in love with my spouse.”

I immediately reply by asking, “Can you list 3 actions during last week that showed your spouse you really love them?”

Here is what I get: either a long silence or answers like, “I cooked the meals every day,” or “I worked hard to provide for my family.” I know there is a component missing. What people usually tell me are their acts of “love” are their habitual activities; things they would do regardless of the marriage. So i repeat the question: “Tell me 3 things you did for your spouse that told him/her that you really love him/her.” At that point I hear the longest silence.

You see, love is doing what’s right for the other person in ways that he/she will understand. That’s why LOVE revolves around, character, conscience and courage. Character means doing what’s right regardless of feelings. Conscience means opening your heart to the other person, his/her feelings and emotions. The conscience is what makes us noble, virtuous and committed. Courage is the energy we put in what we do; how long we endure!

“I love you, but I’m not in love with you” is the best cop-out I know from the real issue of practicing true love. It basically means that “I have no clue how to make a relationship last long term, so I’m leaving you to get a “high” from a short-term romance.” I just know one thing; whoever they’re in love with now will eventually hear, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”

“Of course, this is all fine and good,” you may be saying to yourself, “but it’s really my spouse who needs to hear what you are saying, Harold”

Getting your spouse from “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” to “Okay, let’s give this marriage another chance,” is a tricky task. If this is your situation, it’s crucial you handle it properly. One false step (such as simply dumping this article in your spouse’s lap) and your marriage could be over. If you take the right steps, you can draw your spouse back in and begin to restore your marriage together. The best “love” of your marriage can happen when you DEAL with your differences and what creates conflict.

“True love is not measured in hugs and kisses, but in struggles and fears, and those who can work though those…they possess true love”. Adam Murphy

Harold J. Duarte-Bernhardt is co-founder of the “LIFE ZONE.” Harold is a consultant, a seminar speaker and a LIFE Motivational Coach. The “LIFE ZONE” is a resource and a coaching center for personal and spiritual growth committed to providing sound strategies for dynamic living and LIFE FITNESS. Harold believes that PAIN is the greatest window into best life has to offer! PAIN is never pleasant, it’s never fun; but great people have always faced PAIN and difficult times before they found the key to a great life. Harold resides in Southern California and is the father of four wonderful human beings! For more information and coaching visit: http://www.lifezonelive.com

For more information, contact us: http://www.lifezonelive.com or call 1-888-MYZONE2 (699-6632), leave a message for “Harold” and I will return your call. You can also visit the “Life Zone” website and send me a private message. I will personally respond to it right away!

The word loss covers many aspects of life. It can cover monetary loss, loss of a loved one, loss of jobs, loss of eyesight; in fact loss of anything in life that always had a special meaning to the person. Coping with loss has never been easy; it all depends on the person, and the physical and mental support he or she receives from friends and relatives.

Coping with the loss of a loved one is really difficult to handle, more so if it is a member of the immediate family. Lots of grief will be felt, and it is thus important that you take time to mourn. Talk about your loved one with friends and family, and share your feelings with them. They will be more than willing to lend you a shoulder. By attending the memorial of the deceased, you not only honor its soul, but also helps in coping with loss by helping you accept the loss. However, in grief, there is no need of resorting to bad habits like alcohol, starving or overeating, in search of help in coping with loss. It is instead better to maintain a nutritious diet while keeping yourself active. At the most, take supplements to reduce stress.

The loss of a job also has many psychological implications on the person. In such cases, though there may be emergency funds to handle day to day living costs, it is better to accept your faith, and look for a new job after a few days of depression. There is no point in waiting for the two months till your savings is exhausted to look for a new job. This only causes additional stress to you, and there is a possibility of you losing your touch and momentum of the job. When looking for a new job, treat it as if you were going to work. Maintain a routine with lunch and tea breaks, be positive and professional in your approach, dress up well and keep a diary to keep track of all your appointments and plans.

Besides these physical losses, sometimes a person may experience the loss of an important part of the body like legs, hands or eyes. Adapting to life after such consequences proves to be rather difficult. However, today there are many devices to help people handicapped like this, and many organizations that offer support to you. If you experience a loss of eyesight, you could use the many low vision assistant devices that enlarge images of objects or the special lamps that provide better illumination for your reading and close work. There are also talking computers, books and calculators that are catered for your visual needs.

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To the many of us who have been married or have been in a long term Relationship there comes a time when you have to question whether or not that marriage or Long Term Relationship is worth the trouble anymore. When trouble comes knocking on your door, which can came in many forms. Here is a list of issues that you will more then likely deal with in your Relationship.

1) Money This is where most people especially young couples have major issues. This issue can destroy even the strongest marriages.

Suggestion- Set budget and perhaps Credit Counseling and work towards a common goal and stick to it.

2) Trust- This is another big issues that cannot be skirted or ignored and perhaps the most important or the five issue we will discuss in this article.

Suggestion- Communication is the single most important issue a relationship can have. Without good communication a marriage or relationship will have little chance of surviving. Counselling is also advise for issue that cannot be resolve with you and your mate. Other trust issues can regarding money and how to spend it. Or one of you is spending without telling your partner. As always open honest communication is the key to a lasting Relationship. I would suggest taking 5 minutes a day with you mate and discuss any issues that is bothering you. The longer you hold it in, the more difficult if will become to correct the situation.

3)Sex- Well you knew this is going to be a major issue. The issues are typically things like how many times should we have sex? My partner does not want to please me. I don not get enough sex to satisfy my needs and various other personal issues pertaining to sex.

Suggestion- As silly as it may seem if timing and quantity is a issue communicate to your partner what makes you feel good, and make sure you have your partners feelings in mind as you communicate your needs and of course it must be a two way street as perhaps you may not be doing what she would like also.

Women want more cuddling and foreplay as most men are all about getting physical satisfaction. My saying is men want to have sex to feel better, women want to feel better before having sex. We are wired different and these difference must be acknowledge for the relationship to thrive.

4) Kids- This is another possible Relationship Killer, this issue plays deeper then the others because it involves our kids, its one thing to destroy or give up on a Relationship that does not involve kids, but when the innocent kids have to pay for our actions it makes it the most difficult aspect of Breaking up.

Suggestion. What ever you do and at all cost avoid any destructive behavior in front of the kids, each negative action these kids see is another scar they will likely take with them into adulthood.
As adults we need to be able to communicate without the kids being involved. Family meeting every week for 10 minutes is another great way to communicate the issues facing your family. And also a great time for the kids to give their thoughts, concerns or questions. Kids want to heard as well as seen.

5) Religion. This one can be dealt with much easier and quicker then the other four.

Suggestion. Make sure religion is not going to be a issue to Break Up over, when you start getting to know someone make sure you mention your religion preferences and also make sure you possible new partner does not have any mandatory religion beliefs you can not deal with or believe in.

Well there is the big five Relationship Killers, of course there is many more issues we face on a daily basis that can also contribute to Ending that Relationship.

With any issue you may be facing. communication will be the key to moving past these issues we will face. its how we react and handle these situations that will ultimately decide if our Relationship will last or get stronger and thrive.

Tough times and coming out of it can build more trust and a stronger relationship. But remember one thing if you do not truly love your partner you will never be able to get through these issues, love is the key and love can conquer all but good communication is the key.

Claude Cote is the creator of http://www.RelationshipOver.com a site that helps out individuals with insightful articles, and options in ending that bad relationship or making sure your spouse is indeed being true and faithful to you. This was created with the broken heated in mind to help solidify your relationship or to cleanse yourself of bad relationship. Either way you will have the satisfaction of knowing where you stand.

Guys and girls, getting dumped is a pretty crappy thing to have to go through…it can really mess up a lot of things in your life. Depending on how hard you take it, it can practically screw everything up! But you know, life after the breakup doesn’t necessarily have to be without your ex. There are some things you can do to get your ex back, and I’m going to list off a few of them here for you.

I’m not saying there’s nothing else beyond what I’m going to tell you today, and some of it may even seem like little stuff that doesn’t make much difference, but I can guarantee this’ll help out your cause quite a bit. These aren’t abstract ideas like “renovate your attitude towards women,” these are simple actions you can take that’ll make you more appealing towards pretty much all members of the opposite sex, which’ll help you out a lot as far as getting back that one.

So the first idea I have for you is to go out with friends. Yeah, I know…what does that have to do with getting your ex back? How does that even make you more attractive to anybody? Well, when you’re out there in the world having fun instead of pining over lost love, it does a couple things for you. First of all, it makes you feel a lot better than sitting at home with an ice cream -smeared remote control…and when you FEEL good, you LOOK good. If your ex happens to see you, and you’re out and around having fun with your friends rather than moaning into a bucket of Ben & Jerry’s about how your life is over, you’re going to impress him or her. By getting out there and showing that no guy or girl is going to ruin your life, you show a strength and confidence that makes you pretty attractive.

Another idea for you is to stay in shape! Work out, go to the gym, run around the block a few times every morning, whatever you feel you can manage…just don’t pretend that raising and lowering the recliner counts as exercise. When you’re fit and healthy, you feel good, which is just like when you’re having fun with friends. When you know you look good, that confidence shines out and accents how good you look. I’m not telling you to be conceited about it, but self-esteem wins battles against the opposite sex. If you’ve let yourself go a bit in the past or could just use to tone up a bit, start an exercise routine and stick with it! Being healthy benefits more than just your love life, it makes everything better.

The last suggestion I have for you right now is coming dangerously close to one of those complex, abstract ideas, but it’s really not that bad. Do a little self-work on your attitude, if you have any real issues there. It’s tough to recognize your own flaws, which is why a breakup can actually be good for you since it calls attention to all the things you’ve ever done wrong in your life. But don’t fret over all your little problems, just pick the simple things that can make you a little uglier to people, like a smart mouth or an annoying nervous habit such as biting your nails.

If you can poke and prod at the little things that can make you a little less attractive to people, you’ll soon find that you can do something about the slightly larger problems that cause relationship trouble for you. And just think, if your nervous habit of cracking your knuckles drove your ex nuts, and the next time you two meet you’re not doing it…what’ll that say to him or her? Change. And if there’s small change going on, why not bigger change?

These things, my friend, are keys to a second chance. They’re all real, tangible things that people can see, and they make you look a lot more attractive. Not just to your ex either, but to just about everyone. I know the goal is to get your ex back, but trust me when I say that in a planet of 6 billion people, your ex isn’t the only person who can make you happy, and probably isn’t the one person who can make you happiest. The point is, sure this’ll make you have a better chance with your ex…but it makes it so that you may not even care about your ex anymore. Life can be pretty darn good…and these tips I’ve given you can help you realize just how good it is.

But, if I’ve kinda gone off your main focus to just get back your ex, and you’d like some more information specifically about rebuilding a broken relationship, you can go here for some proven methods to get your ex back. Lots of free articles and information at http://www.getyourexbacknow.com/just_break_up.html

“Why Can’t We Live Together” was the title of the hit song by Timmy Thomas in 1972. The song’s title and lyrics ask a poignant question today, for schools, communities and even nations that continue to struggle with mistrust, misunderstanding and deep-seated hatred as well as resentment and envy.

So, why can’t we live together? A question I asked myself as I watched the recent news reports from Jena, La . Perhaps it’s also an important question to reflect upon with this month being the 50 th anniversary of the Little Rock school integration. It was September 1957 when Central High School in Little Rock, Ark., became the battleground for a showdown over integration, as nine black students enrolled at the “all white” school.

For me, it was 35 years ago when integration began at my school. I was 14 years old, in the ninth grade and participating in the junior high’s drill team. I don’t recall having any particular opinion about my new fellow students other than feeling sorry that they had to wake up so much earlier than I did in order to make the long bus ride across town to attend school.

But some students did have opinions. Or perhaps they were merely asserting viewpoints they learned from their parents. Many of my new fellow students seemed unhappy to be forced to go to a new school. All in all, there was tension and conflict, and eventually there was violence.

Divisive and abusive speech became daily occurrences. I can’t say “who” said “what” “first” on any particular day. It didn’t seem to matter, actually. The animosity and hostility appeared to be mutual. But that said, I do want to be clear that the ill will that ruled my school days was not harbored by the majority of white or black students. As often seems to be the case, a few became the voice for the many. This reminds me of words by Martin Luther King Jr. when he said, “We will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

And, unfortunately, the voice of the few among the white students was coming from some football players, cheerleaders and drill team members. For me, this culminated one day when I entered the gym in the middle of an argument between some white drill team members and black female students. My entrance was what some would call being in the wrong place at the wrong time. As I walked into the gym, a tennis racket was in midair, with my nose soon to be its target.

My response to the incident was the same as when I heard recently about black students in Jena feeling they must ask permission to sit under the so-called white student’s tree or three nooses hanging from that tree or six students beating up on one student: Why, please tell me, why can’t we live together? Will it ever be possible to have good will for others, regardless of the color of our skin, our religious beliefs, our sex, our age, our wealth, our political viewpoints?

Should I have been angry that day in the gym when I was caught in the middle of an argument not my own? Was it fair that I suffered for the actions of others? Who should have gotten the blame for my injury? I wasn’t angry at anyone, though. I was sad at the time that such pointless tensions continued to plague the peace and harmony of my school days. And I wasn’t about to allow myself to get sucked into what I saw as a disposition that served no good purpose.

Jesus is the ultimate role model of how to respond to discrimination and injustice — both in his actions and in his teachings. It was certainly unfair that he was arrested and treated like a criminal. Some could say his disciples were justified in fighting the guards who came to arrest him, and some would have praised the disciple who cut off the ear of one of the guards. But not Jesus. He rebuked the violent actions and healed the guard’s ear.

Even on the cross — being an innocent man wrongfully sentenced — Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they don’t know what they’re doing.” (Luke 23:34)

His teachings give us specific instruction for our response to others’ treatment of us. He said, “Eye for eye, tooth for tooth. Is that going to get us anywhere? Here’s what I propose: Don’t hit back at all. If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, gift wrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.”

And regarding those we think of as enemies or those who mistreat us, Jesus taught, “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best — the sun to warm and the rain to nourish — to everyone, regardless: the good and the bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.” (The Message, Matthew 5:38-48)

It’s quite clear that we will never live together peacefully, in friendship, with mutual respect, until we agree to disagree if need be, replace ill will with good will, hold no grudges or hard feelings, and release resentment, bitterness, rivalry, jealousy — and all feelings that truly serve no good purpose and will never have a good outcome.

We must endeavor to understand one another. Understanding will impel respect and dispel fear. And we must love in the way Jesus taught. “Love, love, love — everyone — no exceptions!” Then we can live together!

Annette Bridges is a weekly columnist for United Press International’s ReligionAndSpirituality.com who lives on a north Texas ranch with her husband, John. Visit her website and participate in her blog at http://www.annettebridges.com and send her an email at annettebridges@gmail.com

© copyright 2007 by Annette Bridges

Relationships can sometimes be very difficult to handle. Sometimes we may be close and intimate with another person but that necessary may not be the case tomorrow. It can especially be very hard to handle relationship that has been broken. You may think it is time to move on or like others you may want to think i want my girlfriend back.

Sometimes its best to move on which will leave you with new options being opened. If you want your old girlfriend back that means you need to do some soul searching first. The importance of this soul searching will become clear later. You need to do this to find out why you wan to reopen a broken relationship.

To start off with you need to consider the reasons that led to end of the previous relationship. It is highly likely that these problems or reasons still exist and could disrupt your relationship again. If you think your ex will think nice of you for saying i want my girlfriend back without any serious thought to previous relationship think again.

When you are thinking about the problems you need remember that to get an old girlfriend back will mean that you need to be honest and truthful with yourself in remembering how the previous relationship worked. Saying I want my girlfriend back will not be of any use if you are not ready to commit fully to the relationship.

A good source of advice is to ask your family members to help you in planning on how to get an ex girlfriend back. Although you should be careful because sometimes the plan may not work. Thus you may also want to try out external advice from sources such as dating advice site on the internet. They can be of very helpful in most cases especially articles related to “i want my girlfriend back”.

Communications between you and your ex girlfriend should also be kept open as this will allow both parties to ask questions about your previous relationship. When you consider the various articles about how to get an ex girlfriend back you need to keep in mind that they will only be helpful if you really are willing to change and just saying i want my ex girlfriend back will not do.

If you enjoyed reading this article you will also enjoy reading how to get an ex girlfriend back articles on our site. Also check out our Guide To Getting Your Ex Back.

I’ve noticed that there seems to be a slight bias in who wants to learn how to get your ex back. More men than women appear to be actively looking for answers. Just a small warning here: much of this article is about the most usual situations - and that means is that it may not apply to you or your situation, so don’t get all upset and go away. Solutions always have to be adapted to the specifics since people are different. As a very general rule, break ups most commonly result from the man’s actions. This statement used to be far more ‘true’ than it is now, of course. Woman have more options, more freedom and more overt power than ever before and are less and less willing to put up with bad relationships or behavior they find unacceptable.

Both men and women can have problems in sustaining a long-term relationship. Not necessarily because there’s something wrong with them or with their partner, but because the nature of a relationship changes. The thrill and mystery and high excitement of falling in love has to turn into honesty, trust, sharing and building a relationship based on reality instead of a dream image. This is hard work and when people have problems doing it, they may turn to falling in love as a solution. Shortly though, many suddenly realize what they’ve lost and becomes desperate to regain the original real relationship - and urgently trying to figure out how to get the ex back.

Part of what has to be dealt with in this situation is the broken trust and the need for real acceptance and forgiveness. Without rebuilding trust and if resentment and anger is burning beneath the surface, your success at getting back together is likely to be short-lived.

Simple dumb behavior and misunderstandings can also trigger breakups. Caring for your partner and making a real effort to understand should never stop. Too often we begin to take things for granted, make assumptions, be far less considerate with a lover than with our friends. And that can lead to a blow up and a break up. This is probably one of the easier break up situations to recover from - if it’s done fairly quickly. Both sides need to swallow their pride and really talk to each other. This kind of problem can actually lead to a stronger, happier and more loving relationship when the lessons are taken seriously and remembered by both lovers.

Boredom can be another big problem. Keeping a relationship fresh and alive is often a chore with the stresses everyone faces these days. Exhausted by work and problems and children, it’s much too easy to just zone out and stop working at all on the relationship. So it goes downhill and pretty soon one or the other of you is looking for something new and different to escape a boring existence.

All these situations have some common features. Mostly they reflect the difficulty in moving beyond the excitement of the falling in love state and sustaining long term involvement. Maintaining a relationship does take work and understanding, sharing and being responsive to your lover’s needs - and your own.

However, people also do get into terrible relationships that will never be successful or happy, and sometimes they feel like they must have the relationship to survive. There are people who simply can not create a relationship worth having. And there are mismatches between people so that the two of them are simply incompatible. And there are people who have been psychologically damaged to the extent that they can be dangerous. People have different expectations from relationships and can be at different maturity levels.

If you’ve been in a relationship that’s broken up and you think you want to get your ex back, you have to ruthlessly examine yourself, your ex and the nature of the relationship. You have to be sure you understand why you want to get him or her back. If it was to any degree an abusive relationship, forget it. Be glad it’s over, give yourself time to clean out the loose ends and really learn what you should avoid and then see about finding someone new. There are no good reasons for anyone to stay in an abusive relationship.

Guilt and blame are the rocks that can sink a reconciliation. In every break up, two people are involved and who did what to whom has got to be forgotten in the rebuilding process. There are strategies and techniques that can help you get your ex back, but always remember that getting back together is only the beginning of staying together so you need to be sure that this is really what you want to do.

Richard writes from both professional and personal experience with the complexities of relationships. If you are sure about this, then take the next step in learning how to get your ex back.

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you put into a relationship, it will break, and sometimes it doesn’t matter whether you thought you had a stable relationship or not, it just breaks.

There are a number of reasons why relationships break and sometimes it isn’t due to anything that we do, or don’t do. It just happens. Sometimes the breakup is a long time in the coming and like the beginning of Spring signals that large ice floes are breaking up, our relationships sometimes also these warning signs and harbingers which we can see plainly and clearly indicating that our relationship is not as sound as we might wish it to be.

And sometimes, what looks to be strong ice underfoot turns out to be thin ice and you will find yourself cast adrift in the middle of a sheet of ice that is cracking faster than you can hope to escape from. This in turn is similar to those relationships which breakup out of the blue with little to no warning about what was to happen. All relationships are like this. No matter what you think when you first get together, you will hit a rocky patch. It’s not a matter of “if” but a matter of “when”, because this is not something that you can avoid.

People are so different, that sometimes it takes breaking up to make it easier all around for us to accept each other, and accept each other’s flaws.

Sometimes you can manage to salvage your relationship from the depths of despair before it is too late, but all too often we get so caught up in our own little worlds and in our own little lives that we take for granted the fact that our relationship is running smoothly.

In these cases, unless the signs of an imminent breakup are there for you to see, you will more than likely be caught unawares. Even this doesn’t matter, as much as what you do when your relationship does eventually breakdown. So it doesn’t matter whether you saw it coming and knew that your relationship was on the rocks and it doesn’t matter if you thought you were on sound ground when suddenly you were thrown into chaos. What matters is how you handled matters after this.

Relationships are notoriously rocky things, just like a small boat. Both people in the boat need to row together to get anywhere, and both people need to work together to avoid rocking the boat. Only good sound team work, and compromise on the part of both people involved, will be able to get any relationship going places. That, and an acceptance that each person is his/ her own person, and not an appendage of the other person.

Learn to give the other person the respect they deserve along with breathing room to be who they are, the person you were attracted to, to begin with, and you will be surprised by the results.

Relationships might be difficult things to steer but together you will find that you are stronger and that it can be done, even in choppy waters. A good example is in the illustration I have given below. I’m not exactly sure where I saw or read about this, but a couple who were having problems sought help from a counselor, who ultimately gave them one task to fulfill o help them through their rough patch.

The counselor had gotten straight to the point. She told them to ether buy or rent a tandem bike (the bikes where two or more people can sit together in a row and cycle together), and to spend at least one or two days a week trying to ride the bike in their backyard.

And when they had accomplished this, she told them to take it on the road and try and cycle around the block, or even around their park, once or twice. The upshot of this was that although in the beginning the couple had difficulty even deciding who would sit in front, eventually they were able to ride around the block more than once, without once having an argument or without once falling down.

Why I like this example so much is because it shows just what you can do if only you work together, and not against each other. If you can ride a tandem bike without falling down you will have come to a compromise about how to make things work so that you didn’t fall down as often.

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When you’re going through a breakup, things can be pretty darn difficult. Life has a way of just not seeming worth the effort anymore, like there’s really not a whole lot of point in trying to get back on track. Well, that’s the wrong way to think!

Your life doesn’t have to end when your boyfriend or girlfriend decides to leave you! You can get your ex back, you just need to do three things. First, you have to think about what went wrong, then you need to fix what was wrong, and finally you need to let your ex see that you’ve fixed it! That may seem a little oversimplified, so let me elaborate.

Thinking about what went wrong is NOT just sitting around mourning over your dead relationship and interrogating yourself as to what’s the matter with you. Yes, you need to find out what you did wrong, but hopeless whining over a bucket of ice cream isn’t your target means of attack. Remember that relationships usually end because one person either wasn’t getting what he or she needed out of the relationship, or something his or her partner was doing was driving him/her away.

Even a close relationship can be shattered by either one of these. Relationships are two-way streets, and if the specific things that a person needs from their partner aren’t being given, it can cause love to fade and the relationship just doesn’t feel like it should. And of course, who is really going to stick around in a relationship that’s driving you away?

You need to really look at your relationship that just ended, and see what you were doing to make your ex want to leave -or have no choice but to leave. Once you can identify the problem, you can take the necessary steps to solve it.

When you first set out towards actually fixing the problem, it’s important to remember that you can only really do anything about the problems that are your fault. It doesn’t matter what you think your ex may have done wrong, it’s your job to focus on yourself. Whatever you contributed to the breakup, you have to aim all of your self-improving attention at it. There are going to be sacrifices, that’s just part of the process.

Now, nobody said that this will be easy, but let me tell you straight up that it’s completely worth it. If you can do this, not only will you have a much higher chance of making it work with your ex but you’ll also just feel better about yourself in general.

So once you’ve really analyzed, detected, and solved your personal issues, the next step is to get back into contact with your ex. Go slow and be gentle, this is a fragile process that needs to be completed with extreme care. First call or email shouldn’t be about your relationship, just about seeing how your ex is doing. Keep it short, keep it simple.

Eventually you’ll have built up to some real contact again, and the two of you will probably be spending some time together. When you do this, make sure that you spend time doing things you both enjoy, and let the changes you’ve made speak for themselves. Trust me, if you did a good enough job your ex will notice…and from there, it’s all up to chance and how you play your cards as to whether or not you can manage to pull things back together between you.

There’s no such thing as an easy, foolproof fix for a broken relationship, but this formula is about the closest you’ll come by. Remember too that even if your ex just simply isn’t into giving it another shot, that’s not the end of the world. The changes you’ve made to yourself will serve to both boost your confidence and make you a more attractive possibility for a lot of other people…and in a world of six billion people, you’re bound to find somebody who makes you incredibly happy. Good luck.

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